There are some songs that are truly gifts from places where words fail to define. This is one of those songs. The first verse came to me in a dream and was still with me when I awoke. As it rolled around in my head, I slowly began to realize that it was about my older sister, Maureen.

We lost Maureen when she was only 69 years old, far too young for someone so filled with the joy of life. She was a remarkable woman who traveled the world, spent time in the Peace Corps in Africa and rode cross country on her bike. She truly earned the moniker “intrepid traveler”. She spent two years in the noviate coming out of high school before realizing convent life was not for her. Religion played a complicated role In our lives, both of us slipping into the realm somewhere between agnosticism and atheism.

I will be forever grateful to Molly Brown for her exquisitly heartfelt vocal on this song. She tapped into that space where only sisters live.

Brad Heck inhaled deeply to absorb the intent of this song and exhaled a bed of piano, guitars and percussion that lay like a cloud to lift the lyrics and melody.

Regardless of your beliefs on religion and the “afterlife”, we share the commonality of human emotions of love and loss. I believe we never truly lose those that have passed from this plane. They reside in the deep spaces in the chamber of our hearts that is reserved for sweet memories.

For Maureen…my protector, my mentor, my witness. 

Sweet Maureen

South of the equator, Jesus walks the shore
Searching for a vessel to take him round the world
And you thought he walked on water, it turns out you were wrong
He needs a boat like you and me, I knew it all along

You’re the only one who knew me, a sister, bone and skin
You caught me when I stumbled and you helped me rise again
But I’m stuck here in the desert with the sand beneath my feet
Searching for an answer and the voice of sweet Maureen
Sweet, sweet Maureen

Your light was always clouded
By the shadow that I cast
Your heart was always open
To forgiveness of the past
Of our past

Now I’m searching for that vessel to take me round the world
Jesus never walked on water and I was never fooled,

no I was never, never fooled, never, never fooled
Sweet Maureen…

CREDITS

Produced by Brad Heck, Richard Grossman, Madeleine Hart

Molly Brown – Vocal

Brad Heck – Piaino, guitars, percussion

Richard Grossman – Keyboard pads

Engineered by Brad Heck, Richard Grossman

Mixed by Brad Heck at the Double B Ranch, St. Paul, MN

Videography by Richard Grossman, Brad Heck

Video editing by Madeleine Hart

This song rolled around for awhile until I felt it was ready to release into the world. Sometimes it just works that way. Twenty minutes to write a tune…twenty years to write another.

What really brought this song out of the dust bin was a reconnection with an old friend and extraodinary musician by the name of Brad Heck. I knew that Brad was the one person whose guitar sensibilities and skill would roll this song out to the world like no one else. Coupled with Brad’s exceptional work are the contributions of my partner in music and in life, Richard Grossman. A consummate musician himself, along with his mastery in the studio, his bass and percussion talents contributed to the final tracks of this song. His production skills brought everything to life.

I always felt that in some way the lyrics to this song are like a letter to one’s younger self. I guess it falls in the category of “what would you do then if you knew what you know now” sort of thing. We all go through heartaches, but when you’re in the middle of one, it seems like nothing else matters and you’re the only one who has ever experienced a broken heart. So, I guess the advice of this song is “get over it – you’re not the first and won’t be the last.”

Common as the Rain

Standing in the doorway with a suitcase and a story yet to tell
The letter on the table by the empty box of cereal
The last farewell, fare thee well

You leave a line of lovers that you count just like the notches on a gun
A sinner or a martyr you will stand before the altar of the lonely ones
You’re not the only one

All along, you think that you are smarter
I see that you are falling just the same
Everyone falls down, and tears are only water
And cryin’s just as common as the rain

On your mark get ready for a heartbreak and another sleepless night
Searching for an ending to the story your are hoping will be alright
It’ll be alright

All along, you think that you are smarter
I see that you are falling just the same
Everyone falls down, and tears are only water
And crying’s just as common as the rain
Cryin’s just as common
And oh the tears keep fallin’
Cryin’s just as common as the rain

©Crocus Hill Music 2024

I’ve always loved a good story and as a child, was especially fascinated with the lives of the Saints. Admittedly, while most of these stories are about being a martyr and dying a most unpleasant and usually untimely death, the stories about St. Francis and St. Christopher left their imprint on me.

Anyone who loves animals can relate to St. Francis, of course, but what some may not know is that St. Christopher is considered the patron saint of travelers. I remember carrying his medal in my pocket whenever I traveled on what I felt was an adventurous, and by that nature, risky trip. Well, most trips post some degree of risk, if you think about it. One never knows what can happen and being accompanied by the patron saint of travelers is kind of like hedging a bet. Or so I thought.

When I wrote this song, I was in a period of great loss in my life. It was almost like the feeling of being set adrift without a life preserver. Sometimes when my internal dialogue gets muddled, I find clarity in playing my guitar and seeing where the journey takes me. St. Christopher stepped into this one.

Like many of my songs, I don’t sit down with the intention of writing about a specific topic or experience. Most often the music dictates what emerges lyrically. I never really understood where this song came from until years later when my husband and I visited New Mexico for an extended period of time. I’ve always had the obvious visuals in my head of canyons and caverns for this song, but there were so many areas of New Mexico that expanded my vision of how to depict this song visually.

For example, driving by a mural of what looked like waves to me and shouting to my husband Richard, “pull over, that’s my ocean scene”! Of course there are the breathtaking vistas of mountains in New Mexico, but the dunes of White Sands National Memorial thrilled me with its expansive and stark landscape. It made my heart leap. I truly understand why New Mexico is known as the Land of Enchantment.

I hope this song carries you on wherever your journeys take you. It is my pleasure to share mine with you. 

ST. CHRISTOPHER

Wide open spaces, stretching forever
Mile upon mile for the singular traveler
The unspoken longing, a craving that drives you
A constant companion, always beside you is love

I feel the distance slowly increasing
Between what you tell me and what I believe in
Facing down demons of doubt and derision
I fall to my knees and I pray for a vision of love

St. Christopher, carry me across
This great divide, I’m weary and lost

Runnin’ from heartache as big as the ocean
Searching for something to crack it wide open
Like caverns and canyons that echo the story
Of rapture and refuge and the power and glory of love
Love, sweet love

St. Christopher, carry me across
This great divide, I’m weary and lost
This heart’s on fire, I’m tired and alone
St. Christopher, carry me home

©Crocus Hill Music 2024

It’s been many years since I’ve written this song, but for some reason I felt compelled to return to it and bring it into a visual medium. I remember so clearly writing this song. We were flying home from a funeral service in Cleveland for a step-nephew. Tucked in my window seat, watching the plane ascend through the cloud cover, the words poured out with the tears I hoped no one would see.

Peter was the son of my father-in-law’s second wife’s second son. (don’t think about that too hard; it makes my head hurt too). We had only met Peter at a few family events, but he impressed us with his intelligence and passion for whatever he was involved with at the time, be it music, art, his social acitiivism or volunteering at his neighborhood elementary school. He had a deep love for this planet and all of its living beings. I remember his impish smile and his genuine kindness, and of course his willingness to talk with us old folks!

But sometimes this life becomes too much to bear, and the pain eclipses the beauty. That’s where Peter was the day he stepped in front of a train in his hometown of Cleveland. My heart cracks open a bit more each time I think of his brief time on this earth.

It would be nearly a year before I was able to record the song with my good friends Holly Circle and Jimmy Steffen. They, along with Michelle Kinney and her beautiful cello, captured every emotion the words carry for me.

I was able to share the song with family and friends about a year later when a memorial garden was dedicated to Peter at the local Quaker school where he volunteered. One thing I clearly remember is my father-law telling me that I never sang so well. I laughed because it is not me singing the lead on this song, but my dear friend Holly. It still makes me chuckle. And I think it would make Peter smile to know that too.

Reach out to your loved ones. We never know how much suffering they may be shouldering in silence.

In memory of Peter Morgenstern-Clarren

SPRINGTIME IN OHIO

Springtime in Ohio in a city by the lake
Watching life unfolding ‘til he feels his heart will break
From all the beauty that life can behold
The morning light, the dew upon the rose

Springtime in Ohio, watch it grow

He tries to understand how any man can fight his fellow man
Why are children born without a hope to carry on
Tell me where is the just and loving being to guide us

Listen to the silence of a million swirling stars
Whispering the secret of a place so near, so far
Winter shrouds the springtime ‘neath her snow
Everything in time will surely grow

Springtime in Ohio, watch it grow
Springtime, in Peter’s Garden, watch it grow

©Crocus Hill Music 2023

My sister Maureen was an avid bicyclist and had the fearless spirit of adventurous explorers. She was in the Peace Corps in Africa during the 1970’s and traveled alone throughout India, Pakistan and Europe. Her last journey was the hardest, succumbing to cancer at the age of 69. It broke my heart and my own spirit.

She loved nature, and above all else, was a champion of the environment. She was composting long before it was fashionable (not sure it is yet…) and knew the names of every flower and bird that she encountered. She had a passion for astronomy and could identy constellations on their celestial journeys throughout the year. I remember a cold winter night outside her home on the shore of Lake Michigan when we had just returned from one of her treatments in Chicago. I was tired, freezing, and knew she was too. But before we could go outside, she insisted on spending time looking up at the stars. It was there that she talked about Orion’s Light. In the words of Paul Simon, a vision was planted in my brain. It would take awhile to realize what it was.

Not long after Maureen’s passing in 2015, my friend and musical compadre, Lonnie Knight was recording his CD, PORTALS. He asked me if I had any songs for him to consider for inclusion on the disc. I passed along two…Me and the Moon (which was later recorded by Prudence Johnson) and Orion’s Light. I am forever grateful for Lonnie’s tender treatment of this song. I know he used a baritone guitar to achieve the beautiful warmth of this song, along with his acoustic and bass guitars. Richard Grossman sweetened the track with his subtle percussion.

Sadly, Lonnie passed away seven years after Maureen. I miss them both beyond measure and think of them each time I see a star filled sky…

In memory of Maureen Elizabeth Frawley

4/10/1947 – 4/28/2015

ORION’S LIGHT

Silence, in the early morn
Slowly rising – coffee’s on
She fills the thermos and heading out the door
She’s gone
She takes the back roads for a different view
Straight and narrow is not her style
Don’t try to catch her, she’s just passing through
For awhile

Lost in the longing the wayfarer’s haunting refrain
Splits the day into night
Charting her dreams between starlight and moonbeams
She follows her heart’s delight
And the only guide, is Orion’s light
Fearless, no apologies
Watch her stumble, tumble, fall and rise again
It doesn’t matter, she just rides the wind
Again

Lost in the longing the wayfarer’s haunting refrain
Splits the day into night
Charting her dreams between starlight and moonbeams
She chases her heart’s true delight
And the only guide, is Orion’s light

©Crocus Hill Music 2023

Some songs take 20 minutes to write – others take 20 years. California Sun is one of those twenty year songs. It was originally written as a slow tempo acoustic song intended to be recorded as such. At some point in time, it took on a life of its own outside of my control. Recorded at the infamous Sound 80 studios in Minneapolis in the early 1980s, I admit that I never liked this version. It was too fast and too overproduced for the mood and expression of what I originally intended. It goes without saying that the arrangement, recording and musician performances were all stellar and very much a reflection of where the industry was at the time. Looking back I can appreciate all that went into it.

Jump ahead a few decades and California Sun became The Letter on my CD Blue Companion. In the intervening years, I wrote a final verse which really closed the chapter on that part of my life and completed the story of that song. My friend and musical compadre, Lonnie Knight, completely understood how this song should be treated and arranged and performed it as I had originally envisioned. He was able to interpret the song’s intention through his extraordinary acoustic guitar work and supporting vocal.

I’m grateful to have both versions of this song, and to the musicians that contributed to each rendition. I’m also grateful for having time and distance to reflect on the evolution of this song.

CALIFORNIA SUN

Living in the California sun, waiting to be born again
Waiting for the strength you thought would come
Ah, but you’re just tired and worn again
Even Mother Ocean she can’t help you now
And the change of scenery doesn’t matter after all
Feelin’ like a Shepard who has lost his only sheep
You are lonely
You tell me that you’re older now and you don’t need to weep
Hey, you don’t fool me

Starting out anew you leave behind the Minnesota winter
But memories still linger in your mind
So you think you’ll write a letter
Even if I wanted I can’t help you now
But the feelings that I have don’t matter anyhow
Time has left us standing on our own two separate shores
We are strangers
I have my own life to live and I know that you’ve got yours
It’s for the better

I see the lights within your city
Fading from view
And now I wonder do you see me
The way I see you

Living in the California sun…

©Crocus Hill Music 1980